THE STAGES OF GRIEF.     The work of grief cannot be hurried. It takes a great deal of time, usually a year    or more. It may be the purest pain you have ever known.  The following are stages of grief that are commonly experienced after a loss. You    may not experience all of these, and you may not experience them in this order. It  is important to realize, however, that what you are feeling is natural and that, with time, you will heal.

                      Shock

                      Some people experience shock after a loss, saying things like “I feel numb” and

                      displaying no tears or emotions. Sometimes there is denial. Gradually the

                      bereaved become aware of what has happened, and they are able to express their

                      emotions. Other people never go through a prolonged stage of shock. They are

                      able to express emotions immediately.

                      Emotional Release

                      At some point a person begins to feel and to hurt. It is very important not to

                      suppress your feelings. Suppressed feelings often surface at a later time in

                      unhealthy ways. Shared feelings are a gift, and bring a closeness to all involved.

                      Preoccupation with the Deceased or the Crisis

                      Despite efforts to think of other things, a grieving person may find it difficult to

                      shift his/her mind from thoughts about the deceased person. This is not unusual

                      and, with time, should not be a problem.

                      Symptoms of Some Physical and Emotional Distress

                      These distresses may come in waves. The most common physical distresses are:

                          •   Sleeplessness

                          •   Tightness in the throat

                          •   A choking feeling

                          •   Shortness of breath

                          •   Deep sighing

                          •   An empty hollow feeling in the stomach

                          •   Lack of muscular power (“It’s almost impossible to climb stairs” or

                              “everything I lift seems heavy”

                          •   Digestive symptoms and poor appetite

                Closely associated with the physical distresses may be certain emotional

                alternations, the most common of which are:

                    •  A slight sense of unreality

                    •  Feelings of emotional distance from people - that no one really cares or

                       understands

                    •   Sometimes people appear shadowy or very small

                    •   Sometimes there are feelings of panic, thoughts of self-destruction, or the

                       desire to run away or “chuck it all”

                These emotional disturbances can cause many people to feel they are approaching

                insanity, but these feelings are actually quite normal.

                Hostile Reactions

                You may catch yourself responding with a great deal of anger to situations that

                previously would not have bothered you. The feelings can be surprising and very

                uncomfortable. They often make people feel that they are going crazy. Anger can

                be directed at the doctor, the nurse, God, sometimes even at your loved one who

                died.

                Often, there may be feelings of hurt or hostility toward family members who do

                not or, for various reasons cannot, provide the emotional support the grieving

                person may have expected from them. Anger and hostility are normal. Do not

                suppress your anger. However, it is important that you understand and direct your

                anger towards what you are really angry at, namely the loss of someone you

                loved.

                Guilt

                There is almost always some sense of guilt in grief. The bereaved think of the

                many things they felt they could have done, but didn’t. They accuse themselves of

                negligence. These hurts pop up in grief. Guilt is normal and should pass with

                time.

                Depression

                Many grieving people feel total despair, unbearable loneliness and hopelessness;

                nothing seems worthwhile. These feelings may be even more intense for those

                who live alone or who have little family. These feelings are normal and should

                also pass with time.

                Withdrawal

                The grieving person often tends to withdraw from social relationships. Their daily

                routines are often disrupted as well. Life seems like a bad dream. This is normal

                and will take some effort to overcome, but the rewards are worthwhile.

                Resolution and Readjustment

                This comes gradually. The memories are still there, the love is still there, but the

                wound begins to heal. You begin to get on with life. It’s hard to believe now, but

                you will feel better. By experiencing deep emotion and accepting it, you will

                grow warmth, depth, understanding and wisdom.

Courtesy of      www.griefandhealing.org